The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize