i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Randomize
