Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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