if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
