if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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