i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
