i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
