apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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