whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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