I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
