Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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