I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
