It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
