I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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