so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
