Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
