Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
