that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
