Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
two words...techno handjob
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
