You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
