Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
