dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
