Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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