There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
