This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
