when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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