I can tuck mytits in my pants
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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