he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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