Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
