that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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