i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
