Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
