Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
