Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
