Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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