I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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