That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
