We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
