Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Sext me about skeletons
I'm too high and old for this...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
