im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
