why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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