I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Is it because I queefed?
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HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
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The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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