Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
You have to summon your inner elephant
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Randomize
