i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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