sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
