Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
