I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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