we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
