All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
