That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Randomize
