All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
