It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
