OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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