so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
