Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
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I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
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your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
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