if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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