No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
