dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
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