An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
