I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
