dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
