i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
