talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
