remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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