I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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