woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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