her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
