When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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