I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
