New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
