what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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