Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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