do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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