She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
