i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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