So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
