I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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