Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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