Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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