Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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