that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
