Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
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I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we still banned from the library?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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