she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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