Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Randomize
